Phil's Cathartichokes

Ok kids, I know it's not artichoke season, but this is California and we don't HAVE seasons, so convention be damned.  I just figured this recipe out and if you are as fond of these freaky looking vegetables as I am, well, it's really too bad, but you're hereby morally obligated to try this.

I made two artichokes using this recipe, and when my friend Noelle and I put them inside our mouths, tears sprang to our eyes with the sheer ridiculousness of how effing good they were.  They were so good we wept in pure confused joy as the sensation of a universe being born in our faces pushed vibrations of gratitude and bewildered unfocused love out of our every pore.

You can go ahead and think I'm exaggerating.  Go ahead. But if you like artichokes, you're going to eat them again anyway, so you have nothing to lose and I hereby label you a jejune Scaramouche of the garden variety if you don't.

Here's what you're gonna need-

Artichoke(s)
Olive Oil (I like mine infused with something. Pepper, garlic, whatever)
Fresh Garlic Cloves, the amount depends on your preference and how many artichokes you have.
Pepper
Butter
Lemon

Here's what you're gonna do-

Clip most of the base off the artichoke and steam it for 40-45 minutes on medium-low heat until soft.   While that's going on crush the garlic into a bowl, grind some pepper onto it and pour 1/3 cup of the olive oil on and let it sit.  At around 30 minutes in you're gonna wanna start preheating the oven at 375, and lightly oiling a baking pan.

When the 'choke's done, rinse it, then using a sharp knife (as opposed to all the rusty dull ones you have lying around) cut it in half vertically, so you have two identical halves.  If you cut it in half and find yourself with a "top" and a "bottom", well, I'd be surprised if you could even dress yourself, you are in idiot.  Now, take a spoon and scrape out the inner purplish leaves as well as all that fuzzy crap.  Take the crushed garlic out of the oil and put a good tablespoon in the part you just gouged out, sprinkling a little at your leisure around the leafy bits.  Drizzle the pepper infused oil onto the garlic and also into the leaves.  To avoid spilling the garlic, I take the lightly oiled baking pan, put it face down on top of the artichoke halves, put my hand under the artichoke, then turn the whole operation right side up.  Now put a sheet of foil over the face down artichokes(tuck it in as tight as you can around the edges), and put 'em in the oven at 375 for another 30-35 minutes.  Whip up some lemon butter and keep some tissues handy.  If you did it right, you'll be able to just eat most of the leaves almost whole.
You're welcome.

-Phil Van Hest
Did you know you can buy stickers at
http://www.philvanhest.com
Well? DID YOU???